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Week 59- Foreskin
Ahhh Foreskin, you devil! Man's most densely packed Nerve Cluster (other than the prostate gland, which is an Arch Ally for another day) has served me well in my many years of stimulating and having it stimulated. Sex is not chore that takes to long for people with foreskin. No, we're in and out in under 5 minutes and feeling just as good, if not better than our Jewish and Jewish-Wanna-Be brothers.
Of course, the nerve cluster is only the beginning of the fun with Foreskin. Activities like "Pretending to be a little Ant-Eater" and "Holding your foreskin shut while you pee until it bursts open" are all disgusting, yet very doable games a man with his skin intact can participate in.
Admittedly an increase in smegma, yeast infections and foreskin piercing are all side effects one has to pay for the right to wear the extra inch. But those painful and dirty buddies of the Foreskin are a small price to pay for the ability to ejaculate in under a minute.
Week 58- U.S. Military's New 'Spider' Land-Mine
In an era when most of the world's countries have abandoned the production and use of landmines in armed combat, thank goodness the United States still has some sense.
When the U.S. refused to sign the Convention on the Prohibition of the Use, Stockpiling, Production and Transfer of Anti-Personnel Mines, also known as the Ottawa Convention - it did so with good reason. That thing seemed like a cult. The treaty was immediately signed by 143 governments, AND became binding under international law more quickly than any treaty of its kind in history.
Clearly more dedicated to peace and security than any other countries, the U.S. joins Russia, China, North Korea, Iran and 46 others as the only ones not to sign the anti-landmine treaty.
But the United States knows that it's not enough to just oppose opposing landmines. They have terrorism, non-Christians, and treaties against other American weapons to fight. And America knows that the best way to fight these foes is to leave non-discriminating civilian-crippling, child-maiming, widow-making explosives in farmer's fields and meadows.
Children all over the Third-World are growing up hating Americans for their greed and exploitation of other people's resources. A few extra landmines peppering the world's poorest countries won't add to that hate significantly. But a few fewer arms and legs on kids who grow up hating America means less-capable terrorists, and less effective terrorist attacks.
That's why later this year, the U.S. military will almost certainly approve production of a new American Landmine, the Spider. The main argument for this move, according to sources at the Pentagon is that "U.S. mines are not a significant contributor to the landmine problem worldwide, yet… U.S. mines are only present in 29 countries."
So, for realizing that anti-landmine treaties only strengthen terrorism. And that blowing Third World children to smithereens while they walk to school is the only way to stop people from hating America enough to fly jet-liners into her skyscrapers. The U.S. Military and its new landmine the Spider are this week's dogbusonline.com Arch Allies of the week!
Week 57- Black America
With all hell breaking loose in New Orleans, there's no better time to recognize and celebrate poor, black America's generous dedication and commitment to democracy.
Black people, by the tens of thousands, are starving and dying in the streets and stadiums of hurricane ravaged Louisiana.
But all of America's resources are tied up bringing democracy to Iraq and Afghanistan, and evacuating the white people in New Orleans to safety!
To the ignorant observer it would seem as though America's shamefully thin veneer of tolerance had cracked away and the white-hot racism underneath had blasted through.
Nothing could be further from the truth! This is just the latest in the Black Man's long, patient commitment to democracy.
Sure more black Americans than anyone else don't have the right to vote.
Sure black Americans make up most of America's vote-less prison population.
Sure more black Americans sign up to fight and die bringing democracy to oil rich Iraq.
And sure black Americans have been subjugated and excluded from democracy for most of America's illustrious existence.
That's just because they believe in freedom and democracy more than anyone else - not because America is racist!
So what if America wanted to go off and spend billions of dollars bringing democracy to the Middle East before it addressed the 'seemingly' racist flaws in its own system.
The Black man is patient. And he knows how important spreading democracy is to the world.
Thank goodness poor black Americans are so patient, and believe in democracy so much.
Arch Ally Of The Week Archives
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